Many people struggle to leave an abusive relationship.
There could be a number of reasons for this.
For one, all forms of abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, etc.) are about control. Often, victims of abuse feel that they are too weak or stupid to leave an abusive relationship – but that is simply not the case.
In order to leave an abusive relationship, victims must overcome a number of different hurdles. They may feel fear about leaving their abusive partner or even feel guilty for doing so. They may be financially dependent on their abuser or afraid of what people may think when they eventually do leave.
One of the best ways to leave an abusive relationship is to have a strong support system on your side. Without a support system, it can be more difficult to leave. If this sounds like you, there are systems available that can help.
When people are in abusive relationships, though, many of them do not have a support system because their abuser has isolated them from their friends and family.
There are many other reasons why people can’t leave an abusive relationship.
If you are in an abusive relationship, reach out to us at our 24-HOUR HELPLINE: 250-763-1040 and review our list of resources.
Statistics say that one of the main reasons that people don’t leave abusive relationships is because they fear for their own safety. Leaving an abusive relationship doesn’t guarantee them safety, and typically results in even more violence and threats.
This happens because when a victim leaves their abuser, the abuser suddenly feels a loss of control. This loss of control can lead to violence.
Did you know that most domestic violence-related homicides happen after a victim has left, or has threatened to leave their abuser? This is why most victims do not leave. They live in constant fear about what may happen to them or their children if they do decide to leave.
Many female victims tend to return to their abusers after they leave. This can happen because the victim feels as if she has nowhere to go, or the abuser continues to apologize and promise to change.
When the victim believes the apologies are legitimate, they may come back in hopes that the person had changed. This is rarely the case.
Most victims feel guilty about the effects of their leaving on the abuser and their family. Often abusers will threaten their victims and say that they cannot live without the victim. Some even state that if the victim leaves, it will ruin the abuser’s life or career.
Victims also feel guilt about how leaving might impact their family and may feel responsible for tearing their family apart. They may also feel guilt that they themselves stayed in the relationship so long and may fear what other people might think.
Most victims in abusive relationships have no control. Their abusers have the most control, which may mean that victims have limited to no access to financial resources. Many victims feel that if they leave an abusive relationship, they may become homeless, their children will not be cared for, and that they will lose all financial independence.
Abuse has devastating effects on children. When victims choose to leave their abuser, they feel guilt about the fact that their children will not grow up with a household that has two parents. They may feel that the kids will blame the victim for this. And when the victim leaves their abuser, they may also fear that the abuser will gain custody of the children.
It is also a known fact that abusive partners also abuse their children, so many victims feel that the only way to protect their children is to stay in an abusive relationship. In addition to this, most abusers and victims feel that the abuse is hidden from their children and that their children have no idea that it is going on – this is rarely ever true.
Most victims of domestic violence believe that one day, their partner will truly change. They believe that the person they fell in love with will one day return.
Remember: abuse often starts slowly. It escalates over time, and many people ignore the warning signs.
If you are in an abusive relationship, reach out for help. With the right support, it is possible to move forward with your life.
Reach out to us at our 24-HOUR HELPLINE: 250-763-1040 and review our list of resources.
You may also want to review the Department of Justice website for more information.
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Here’s some more important information about domestic abuse in Canada:
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